October 8-31: The Days I Grew

Growing pains - funny things, those guys. Painful, annoying even, but a sign of forward momentum. Akin to the changing of the leaves, almost, in the way of perceptions. Brilliant colors or death in bloom? Either way, we close one season and we begin another, and in the middle of it all, the sun rises and sets, rises and sets. Sometimes it feels like that continuity is a betrayal of my emotions. How dare this earth keep turning when I'm still working through today, or even yesterday? Sometimes it’s a blessing - I think left to own devices, I'd hit pause and in my longing for understanding, I'd be reluctant to ever hit play again. Paralysis in analysis, I guess. And once again, His wisdom prevails - He knows the purpose of the movement, of the seasons, of the pains that lie in transitions, and the fullness of the beauty that lies on the other side.

As mentioned in September, we came to a decision about the shop - we chose to close the doors. Not forever, mind you, as we have sincere hopes of reopening in pie-only venue. There's a lot more to say about our future wishes & dreams, which I’ll share in due time. For now, though, we’re done. I spent the weeks following that decision rolling those words on my tongue, waiting for the foreignness to rub off, hoping for the heat to not rush to my face when asked about the state of things. And in the waiting, there was the living. October has always been my favorite month of the year. It carries so many celebrations, and Oct 2012 was no exception. Here’s a run-down of the highlights (which obviously didn’t include daily blogging)

·          I gave up Facebook for a couple of weeks. I felt altogether disconnected and reconnected, from the world and to My World, respectively. I’ve left behind the need to update the “world” on my ever move/meal/outfit/activity, something I am so, so grateful for. I came back primarily to update internet friends on the shop changes. I feel another fast coming in my future, though.

·         I took maternity photos for my knocked-up pal {wonderful coworker} and her baby daddy {husband}. I warned them that I’m not a pro, but they insisted and I accepted – a fun challenge! Also, I’m better at photographing dogs than people. Ha.

·         Caught my little brother’s last soccer game, which they won. I also snuggled the littlest nephew, gave him his first taste of dill pickle (not.a.fan.), and watched the big one rule the playground in his cowboy hat and wooden sword. All’s well ‘til a stranger gets stabbed.

·         Husband went on his first “business trip” to a training session in Houston. I’m a big baby and luckily have friends who don’t judge my not wanting to stay at home alone for 3 days. Crashed at the parents and the hetero-lifemate’s. I enjoyed the brief return to life with my parents though – dinner made at night, coffee ready in the morning. Aahhh.

·         Celebrated 4 wonderful years with that man of mine – we went to the movies, to dinner, played 20 questions, visited the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit, did some thrifting, some sewing and crafting (Yes, my husband can sew. Better than me after only one try. I don’t want to talk about it.) There aren’t enough words to sum up how thankful I am for that man, for 4 years of laughter, barefoot kitchen dances, play fights, late night movies and a friendship that continues to grow. Blessed beyond measure.

·         Finished out our anniversary weekend with a trip to the state fair – bonus, I didn’t eat myself into sickness this time! Speaking of sickness, after scouring the entire fair ground for the perfect ride, Husband ended up choosing the exact ride that made him sick last year. Ended the night with tacos @ Taco Cabana

·         Had a doctor’s appointment that ended with good results. Vague, but it’s a praise worth sharing, nonetheless!

·         Baked what felt like a million cupcakes for our church’s marriage retreat. Bonus: eating all the mistakes. Yummy, yummy mistakes.

·         Watched God, yet again, do wonderful things in the lives of married couples during the retreat. We weren’t there to partake or directly witness, but the stories of mended hearts, renewed commitment and just plain miracles keep coming up. I am so thankful for parents and friends who are passionate about marriage, about not just making it last, but making it wonderful.

·         Subsequently received my first order for custom cupcakes. More mistake eating! Side note, dear Lord I’m never eating cupcakes again. Also, went through like 3 lbs of butter in just a few days. Yessir.

·         Hit, and passed, preggo friend’s due date – only by a few days, though. Welcome to the world, Natalie Ryan!

·         Phoned in my last-minute Halloween costume – I was a ceiling fan (read: I wore a shirt with the words “Go Ceiling!” ironed on the front and carried around some pom poms). Got to go trick-or-treating with some of the little people in my life, though! Captain Hook, Smee and Mario! Cutest ever.

So there you go. The storms may rage, but the Lighthouse is in the living, not just the surviving. Praying I continue to drink in those moments instead of waiting for my exit from the valley. There’s hope in the shadows of those mountain tops. Wellsprings of hope.

Love & Perspective,

K

October 7 - The Day We Adventured

The original plan for this day was to get the heck outta dodge. Or, Fort Worth. Whatev. At first, it was family camping, but with dropping temps and sick family members, that got scrapped. Since the following day was a holiday for husband and I had already taken off from work, we toyed with the idea of just picking up and heading to Austin for an impromptu adventure. It should be noted here that I love the idea of being spontaneous, but the trait is rarely applied to actual living. So, naturally, the more I thought about how messy my house was, or my empty fridge, the less inclined I was to "escape", just to come back to the mess I already had. So, we stayed put and settled for making a pact to a) clean our house, and b) get out of said clean house.

We decided to hijack the husband's littlest siblings and take them hiking at a nearby state park. These two are close in age, best friends, and always carry the potential of giggles & messes (usually together). We don't get to spend as much time with them as we would like, so outings like these are fun (and slightly unpredictable). So, we walked through the woods, letting them be our trail guides. They are pretty dang good navigators, though we did have to have a discussion about not choosing paths only fit for those under 5 ft tall (read: Jon and I ran into some tree branches). We headed back when it started to rain and it took less than 10 minutes before they were conked out in the backseat. I love the sound of giggling kids. Also love the sound of sleeping ones. :)

We capped off the night with a movie with my side of the family & staying up late watching something (?) on Netflix. It was not all that spontaneous, but it was still an adventure. I'll take it.

Highlights:
1) Lunch at Cracker Barrel - finally satisfied my craving for those Dumplins! (YUM.)

2) Underestimated the seriousness of chilly temperatures. We made fun of the kiddos for their extreme layers and gloves, but I think we were a bit jealous by the end of our hike. In an effort to keep warm/show I'm still cool, I raced the kids. They won (but then I was warm, so really, I win)

3) It seems Miles can tell the difference between squirrel poop and raccoon poop. Best advertisement for the Boy Scouts of America? Yup.

Love & Close-to-home Wanderlust,

K

October 6 - The Day The "Cold" Came

It started on Friday evening, you could feel a change in the air. By Saturday morning, it had arrived: COLD. Now, I fully accept that I am a Texan, born and bread, and that these temperatures are not considered much beyond the title of "chilly" in the northern US. But, y'all. It was deliciously, autumnally (is this a word? It should be), wonderfully cold.

I spent the morning prepping at the shop, accompanied by (what else?) Christmas music. If ever there's a reason to listen to that stuff early, its the first cold front of the year. After wrapping up there, I headed home to get cleaned up (because smelling like pie isn't as nice as it sounds), and prepared myself for a day of chilly weather at the baseball fields. Both my boys (nephew and brother) had double headers that day. I got to see one of each of their games (both wins!), with a little best friend shopping in between. By the time the 2nd game was over, we were chilled to the bone, even it if was still in the 50s. Husband made sure to get in a good amount of teasing about Texans their lack of cold-tolerance. Whatever, Yankee!

Wrapped  up the day with a big bowl of tortilla soup from my favorite local Mexican restaurant, Antonios. Delicioso!

Highlights:
1) Wore my first scarf of the year! I chose a Burberry-esque plaid, skinny jeans, boots and a cardigan.

2) Drank a salted caramel latte. Um, YUM.

3) Spent some good huddle time with my mom under blankets at brother's game. Life lessons we discussed: Tights aren't pants, ladies. Also, yelling at your pitcher son, "you have to throw strikes!" probably isn't helping...I doubt he was planning on throwing crappy pitches.

Love & Cuddle-Worthy Days,

K

October 5 - The Day I Babysat

Husband texted me early in the day to tell me that his sister was offering free tickets to Screams, a local(ish) Halloween theme park. While I love Halloween, my appreciation is more of the "ohh, look at what Martha Stewart did to those pumpkins with glitter" variety. Not so much on the "Some guy is chasing me and I think I just peed myself" kind. So, despite his pleadings, I told him he could go, but I was out. I jokingly said "me and Ella (his sis's kiddo) would stay behind. Fast forward a few hours, and they decide to take me up on that offer.

Now, I haven't been a babysitter since high school. And even then, they were kids, not babies. That isn't to say I don't love babies, because I very much do. But the thought of them when their mothers aren't standing within a 10 ft radius is a little frightening. But, she's my niece. She normally is such a good baby, and she likes me and knows me enough that this should be smooth sailing, right? Umm...

My parents called and asked if me and my tow-along wanted to come for dinner and the ranger game, along with my Grandmother. Someone fixing me dinner, and the safety net of two women who raised me being close by? Be there in 5! She did so great for the first little bit, charming everyone with her baby fat rolls and big grins. But about 15 minutes in, she realized "hey...I don't really recognize this place. Or these people...what the...WAAAAHHHHH!". Or something like that. We tried to get her to eat the dinner her momma made for her (homemade applesauce, which sounded great to me). She was not having that mess. Mom to the rescue, #1 - as a grandma, she had a plethora of toys for the wee one's distraction. We tried food again, and this time mac & cheese from my plate went much better. We had only minor melt downs for awhile  (she would crawl away, all smiles, then realize I wasn't right next to her, then she'd wail. We repeated this quite a number of times). Then, the biggest test of all - bed time. She was giving me all the signals that we were a go, but oh boy, we were not. After reaching what I can only imagine is pure loathing for me and my attempts at lulling, Mom/surrogate Nana took over while I stood helplessly by. It reached a point where all I could do was laugh. After a few more back-and-forths, she finally just passed out in my mother's arms...who then passed out in the recliner. They snored together, it was cute. Also, my mom wouldn't put her down for fear of waking the sleeping bear. She continued to sniffle her in sleep for the first 10 minutes or so. I thought we were golden, as I got the message that Ella's parental units were on their way back. Until she woke up, and we repeated the "where am I and who are these scary people?!" thing. Thankfully, we were able to distract her with a puppy until they got there. I'm sure they didn't plan on their kid being awake so close to midnight, but I count it a success as she wasn't crying when they arrived. In retrospect, I have two things to say: 1) I hope that baby still likes me and that I didn't scar her for life, and 2) if/when I have a baby, I'm sequestering my mother in my house in case of emergencies, for at least a year.

Highlights:
1) We had snack day today. The theme - Asian takeout! I had great plans to make these yummy sesame meatballs...yeah, I totally phoned it in. Taste of Asia to the rescue!

2) My parents made the best comfort meal - fried chicken tenders, mashed potatoes, peas, rolls, mac & cheese, asparagus, squash. MMMMmmmmm.

3) The Rangers lost. Pretty badly, too. The best part of the game, though, is that Ella fell asleep right during the 9th inning. So, imagine a sleeping baby, and a room full of whispered cheers/boos at the television. It was comical, to say the least.

Love & Adventures in Aunthood,

K

October 4 - The Day We Watched Him Win the Game

First off, let me just say that I'm disappointed in myself. It was National Taco Day and I DIDN'T EVEN EAT A TACO. It was so sad, really. I mean, I ate a burrito bowl, so that's like half-credit, right? I'm sorry I failed you, food world. To make it up to you, I'll eat tacos every day for the rest of my life (but seriously, doesn't that sound like the best plan? Ever??)

To be quite honest, I don't really remember the first part of this day. It involved work, and I believe some Parks & Rec at lunch, but beyond that....well, it obviously wasn't that memorable. After work, however, is when the fun began.

I rushed to the shop to help that handsome husband of mine finish late prep. The plan was to stop by Fuzzy's for $1 taco (what?!), but apparently that was everyone else's plan, too. So, no dice. And no tacos. At this point, we were running late for lil bro's baseball game, so we settled for Taco Cabana bowls. On that note, as we left the shop to head for TC, husband turned left, away from TC, instead of right. Now, mind you, the inspiration for this restaurant came from a  huge billboard, saying "EXIT HERE", sitting right in front of us at a stop light. When it turned green, though, he made a u-turn and headed away from the giant, well-lit sign. I said "why are you going this way?" and he rattled off some answer about turn-arounds and no direct exits. In the past, my backseat driving has caused a few (so many) fights, so I kept quiet. Fast forward 5 minutes later when we sit in front of Taco CASA, when the lightbulb finally comes on - "Hey, wait. This isn't Taco Cabana!" When I explained where the actual destination was, he said "Well, why didn't you say something? You should've told me." - HERE YE, HERE YE - LET IT BE KNOW ON THIS DAY, OCTOBER 4TH, KK SMITH WAS GRANTED AFFIRMATION, VIA VERBAL DECREE, THAT DIRECTIONS ARE WELCOMED BY HER HUBSAND IN THE EVENT OF HIS VEHICULAR/DIRECTIONAL ERRORS. Ahem. Also, for the record, I didn't say anything because I really thought he saw the HUGE sign. Nope. Haha

After the game, despite my increasingly weighty eyelids, I headed to best friends' house to help with grading papers. I'm in awe of her patience and chosen career path every time I help with this task. Also in awe of her ability to pretend I'm not stupid when I don't know the answers to 9th grade biology questions myself. Gotta love her! I crawled into bed some time into October 5th, and that was that. I very, very good Thursday.

Highlights:
1) Brother made the game-winning tag! He also did pretty well at bat this go-round, and he's quite the little base-stealer. AND, this was after he had a soccer game at 5:30 (before his baseball game at 8). More energy than me, that's for sure!

2) I was supposed to run today. I did not run today. Oops?

3) Husband had his first out of school student sighting. He was at the concession stand and a young girl said "Why are you so dressed up?", to which he replied "Because I just came from work". She said "oh, where do you work? You look really familiar....". His professional, adult response: "I can't tell you!" *runs away*. Oh, that man of mine.

Love & Taco-less Thursdays,
K

October 3 - The Day of Donuts, Duels & Deep Weirdo Stares

Sometimes I feel like I've lost the ability to succinctly and interestingly sum up my days. And what's frustrating about this is that it was a beautiful, wonderful day, well worth a little delving into.  Oh well.

As I recount how my hours were actually spent, though, I realized just how busy I was. And how most days that were that jam-packed would've left me drained. And how much a dose of good will offset all the bad tossed my way. This kind of retrospection rings with the truth that your life, your day, your time, it's all what you make it. Your day is the ship, and your attitude is the sail. Hope you enjoyed that little slice of philosophical cheese...

So, as obviously inferred above, the day held a lot of work. Work work, pie shop work, cleaning my messy kitchen work. The boss lady brought donuts, which added with guilt-walking off said donuts, helped  the work work thing. Once that wrapped up, I headed to the shop to help that handsome hubby of mine with pie shop cooking. Side note: I have a strong smell memory tied to onions sauteing in butter. Brings up warm and bubbly feelings of holiday cooking, and my first cooking lessons (which, coincidentally, occurred in the fall, making another seasonal tie to this otherwise normal kitchen aroma). Combine that moment of sensory stimulation with the slight crisp in the air as dusk fell - I was one happy fall-loving lady.

We spent the evening at the park with our church family. I ate far more pizza than I should have, but the day's donuts (and tiny slice of pie....don't judge me!) weren't holding me over very well.  I held my sweet, sweet nephew, who giggled (and sometimes growled, my favorite trait of his), cooed and snuggled up on my chest. Oh goodness, how love that baby and his kissable little rolls!

His older brother was not so accepting of my kisses, so like any good aunt, I threatened him with a sword. Not one to back down from mock violence of any sort, he accepted my invitation for a duel. After seeing I was not going to be allowed to come away the victor, I let surrendered and he walked away with his tiny puffed out chest and thanked me for his victory. Ha! I hope he never loses that imagination.

I've had my fall decor out for 3 days now, but only got as far as pulling things out of boxes. I just couldn't drum up the motivation to finish (or really start for that matter). This night was different, though. I needed my home to reflect the dancing leaves (butterflies are for spring; fall gets dancing leaves) inside my chest. So, its not all the way done, but there's finally some symbiosis between my heart and this house. I've always said my home looks her best when dressed for fall. If you'd see it, you'd know. Like me, she was made for Autumn.

Highlights:
1) Best: Husband somehow got to singing that classy 90s tune, Sex & Candy by Marcy Playground. A line in the lyrics reads "Who's that casting devious stares in my direction?". I caught hubs singing "Who's that casting deep weirdo stares in my direction?" I died. Maybe it was the late hour at which this occurred, or his sincere surprise at my challenging his accuracy, but I couldn't stop laughing.

2) I blogged again. Hooray! It was half a month smooshed into a post. And it wasn't very detailed. Should we be celebrating this level of mediocrity? Ha.

3) A branch fell right in front of my doorway. Normally, I would find this annoying, but thanks to the plethora of ripe pecans that also fell in front of my doorway, I'll forgive my resident flora for their intrusion. Pecans...mmm.

Love & Misheard Lyrical Goodness,

K

October 2 - The Day We Talked Tattoos, Adoption and Crazy Dreams

I decided to try and make my day easier by taking out one of the yummy crock pot meals from my bulk-cooking day. Only problem: last week, for the first time ever, I burned up my crock pot dinner. We're talking my beautiful cut of beef ended up a nicely blackened charcoal briquette. In my rushing around, embarrassing as it is, I had yet to tackle the monster that was the post-burn crock pot. SO, I just threw the "crock pot" meal in my dutch oven on low and went for a run. Seemed to work alright, though I'm not willing to judge the recipe based on my alternate cooking methods (it was Honey Rosemary Chicken, btw).

So, running... I am 3 weeks into my 12 week training plan, and thanks to my lack of follow-through, its still pretty tough going. Every week I start with renewed vigor to really stick to the plan, but then life happens and I have lost the ability to get up at a decent hour....oh well. A run is a run, at this point!

We headed to small group after running/dinner, where we started out in 1 Peter and ended up discussing tattoos, orphaned babies and our genetic trait of crazy dreams (in mine, Jon was dying, in a tree house, when the Joker came by and threw exploding rocks at us from his Corvette. Rude!) My aunt and uncle crashed our Bible study, where we tried to convince him he should let his daughter get a tattoo. No dice, but we get an E for Effort! On a related note, I think a 1 Peter 2:17 could make a cool tattoo: Show Respect, Love the Brotherhood, Fear God, Honor the King. Sounds manly. Haha.

Highlights:
1) Husband kept me laughing. And as usual, he took advantage of our open windows to yell inappropriate things. He's crazy, but I love him.

2) Watching my cousin prepare herself for the mission field is inspiring. He equips the called, y'all.

3) Today was my aunt and uncles wedding anniversary. When I saw them they were coming back from a walk, then retiring for a relaxing evening. Yeah, they both totally forgot. :)

Love & Manly Tats,

K

October 1 - The Day We Repeated Fall's Welcome

Monday was a bit of a welcome reprieve from the weekend's rushing pace. As indicated by the previous posts, I was emotionally zapped and ready for my heart to rest a little easier, and thankfully, I had just the right cocktail of things to make that happen.

We went to T's t-ball game, which didn't disappoint in the entertainment area. The special of the day was the entire team dog-piling the ball every time it hit the ground. This happened at least 3 different times, that I saw, and it was just as funny the 3rd go round as the first. My bro/his uncle also took the time to make signs for us to hold up each time Tavin was at bat - he looked so proud when we yelled his name! I'll have to be honest, though, I didn't pay as much attention in the last half of the game, due to this little snuggle bug:

 I stole him from his Grandpa, but I don't feel too bad :) He talks to himself as he's falling asleep. Pretty much the cutest thing ever.

As for the origin of this post's title: We were originally going to have lasagna rolls for dinner, but for sheer comfort and ease, that turned into lasagna "stoup". Best friend joined us, and we ended up watching Gilmore Girls to close out the evening. It dawned on us then that roughly one year ago, right as fall made its entrance, we did the exact same thing. Same meal, same show (which always makes me feel "fall-ish"). New tradition? Maybe so!

Highlights:

1) My nephew's Kool-aid 'stache; his "Hey KK!" greetings, his asking his dad for bubble-gum for the big game, and his outfield dancing. He's flippin' awesome.

2) Ate my first homegrown pecan! Technically, you're supposed to let them cure for a couple of weeks after harvest, but I couldn't resist. Tasted surprisingly maple-y!

3) My apparent knack for getting the littler nephew to sleep. Twice in two days - I'm a pro, guys.

Love & Kool-Aid 'Staches,

K

September,part 2: Laying my Isaac(s) Down

"I'm not afraid of storms, 
for I'm learning how to sail my ship."
 - Louisa May Alcott

The 3rd week of September started in what seemed a rather unassuming manner. We had a potluck at church, we visited a sweet friend in the hospital, my momma had her birthday. As the hours and days trickled on, the stress mounted. At my day job, huge deadlines approached, words of disappointment were being cast at me, and I felt like I was failing. At the pie shop, people were sick, employees were calling in, customers were upset, friends were stressed and exhausted, and the finances of it all loomed over us like a huge storm cloud. A meeting was called for Thursday and we met with trepidation. I knew what was coming, but I tried my best to avoid thinking about it. The shop is/was in trouble, and something had to be done. The meeting ended without resolution, and we agreed to postpone an official decision. Four best friends being business partners means your normal ports in the storms are unfortunately being pounded by the waves with as much intensity as you. So, I was left racked with tears, emotions, and empty cries of "WHY?" Didn't God know what terrible timing this all was? Didn't he listen when I laid my plans out - didn't he know things were FINALLY starting to fall into place with everything else?

I went through the motions on Friday and Saturday, going to a company picnic at the zoo with my hubby, making pumpkin pie for the first day of fall, and even being treated to dinner in celebration of best friend's first official paycheck (Sidenote: Mellow Mushroom - SO GOOD. I'm mad at anyone who new how good this was and never forced me to go there before now).  Sunday morning came, and in church I struggled through singing words that my heart refused to respond to. Looking back, I don't remember when, or what song or spoken word triggered it, but I knew what He was telling me: This doesn't define you. We spend our earthly lives being identified by what we "do". Its nearly the first question anyone asks upon introduction. Despite all the growing pains, I loved being able to tell people "I own a pie shop" and watching their surprised faces. So young! So brave! Embarrassing as it is to admit, I loved to think what people must think of me. So much pride wrapped up into something so temporal. And when faced with the threat of it all crashing down, I panicked. And yet He says: THIS DOESN'T DEFINE YOU. This shop, nor any other fleeting, earthly thing. Its success: not you. Its failure: not you. Let it go, kid, 'cause you're mine regardless. I drank in the moment, so thirsty, like I couldn't swallow enough of the peace he was pouring my way. We spent the afternoon at Antique Alley, which was a rather unsuccessful treasure hunt, an unspoken something hanging in the air as we knew were meeting that evening to once again make a final plan. We met, and I didn't bawl my way through this time. Despite my peace, nothing was becoming any clearer. No direction laid out, no decision dawning on me with secure enlightenment. Just...nothing. Three plus hours later, we narrowed down our options, but a general air of discord still hung thick. We just didn't have an answer.

Monday morning, I read these words in my devotional:
"Never disregard a conviction that the Holy Spirit brings to you. If it is important enough for the Spirit of God to bring it to your mind, it is the very thing He is detecting in you. You were looking for some big thing to give up, while God is telling you of some tiny thing that must go. But behind that tiny thing lies the stronghold of obstinacy, and you say, “I will not give up my right to myself”— the very thing that God intends you to give up if you are to be a disciple of Jesus Christ"

In retrospect, those words seem much weightier than how I originally interpreted. In that moment, as silly as it sounds, God was calling me to give up Facebook. I needed silence. I needed to truly understand my addiction to social media; to realize my false sense of security and my embarrassing reliance on other people's opinions of me. To be free from the chains of comparison, that great and swift thief of joy. To know just how high of a throne I had placed my pride upon. It seemed small, and yet it it was, as the devotional said, "a stronghold of obstinacy". I had known for awhile how much damage it was doing, but I justified and reasoned away my own concerns. And to be honest, the first few days were uncomfortable. I reached for my phone every 10 to 15 minutes before remembering I no longer had access. I felt disconnected. But I felt good. And as an aside, it's a week and three days later, and still no regret.

The week went on, busy as always, but streaked with sunlight through that ominous cloud that seemed to follow me around. We celebrated my cousin's birthday, and my momma's; there was time with family, friends, and moments of joy. For various reasons, our meetings kept getting pushed back, and in all honesty, I thought for a fleeting moment that maybe we just wouldn't need to meet at all! Maybe this was all just a brief, though cruel, joke. But Friday came, and it was decided it must take place. I thought I was doing good, making progress, but then I broke. I just broke. I poured my heart out, to my mother, to my husband, and to my God. Let me interject here that I thank God for parents who will stand in the gap for me, who will speak God's truth to me, who will help me prepare for battle, even when the can't fight beside me. The thorn in my side was the unfairness of it all. Why now? Why me? Why us? Hadn't we paid our dues? Shouldn't this have been easier? That what-ifs, of past, present and future, felt like weights on my chest, and I just couldn't breathe. I went into our meeting empty, still directionless. I prayed for the only thing I could think of: unity between my partners. Thankfully, this is what He gave me. We concluded with a plan of action, if vague. I felt....OK. I am not ready to share exactly how we will proceed just yet. Mostly because I am a creature of habit, and change, good or bad, takes time for me. The words feel foreign on my tongue, so I'll save them until the bitterness wears off.

And, to my surprise, the tantrums weren't over. The anger, disappointment, and sadness of not getting my way bubbled up over the next few days, resulting in some raw emotions and sometimes ugly behavior. My eating and sleep schedules were off, so that didn't help either (contrary to general belief, it isn't just infants who need daily structure). Saturday was long, and offered the distraction of friendship and kitchen-work, two things I can luckily get lost in. I spent the day in a bulk food prep session, helping to stock the freezer of an about-to-pop expectant mom, and my own in the process. 4-5 hours for 12 meals - not a bad trade off! With Jon's new job, I needed all the help I could get. Downside: I smelled like onions for DAYS. Bless that man of mine, I came home to dinner prepped (thanks, Olive Garden), and a movie cued up just for me.

Sunday morning was rough (read: more bubble-over outbursts on my part). Once we got to church, I spent most of the service trying to figure out if I should say something. Do I ask for prayer? What do I pray for?  What can I say or not say? And one after one, the testimonies kept coming. The words of encouragement prefaced by "I don't know who this is for, but...." The unifying truth in it all - we serve a jealous God. And if you have taken his cross, but want to cling to something else as your identity, He will do what it takes to get you to let go. And in the end, what He has is so much better than anything we could attempt to piece together for our lives. And these words cut me deep, not just because of the shop, but because of every other "thing" that hadn't gone according to my plan so far. So in a moment of embarrassing (thought it shouldn't be) brokenness, I asked for prayer. I honestly declared my emptiness, my confusion at what God was up to, and the truth I knew: that I prayed for a radical life, that in April of 2011, God started a stirring in me that hasn't quit. And I don't know if this is answer to my request for said radical life, or what. but I needed prayer. So there it was. I like keeping my walls up, but they came down that morning. And that beautiful, honest, spirit-led body of believers rallied around me. No matter how "first world" my problems seemed (and the fact that I recognize that they ARE first world problems speaks of a lesson for me, too). We prayed, we hugged, I wiped my tears, and then we moved on.  To be honest, I'm not sure I said the right words in that moment. But I said the only thing that would come out. For a careful and relatively shy person like me, that moment of vulnerability was incredibly hard. But, maybe that's the point. I'm not sure that what happens or doesn't happen with this shop is God's master plan. And in that I mean that for all I know, its just a very little piece in my much bigger story - a means to an end.

I spent the remainder of the day basking in the comfort of family, of babies sleeping on my shoulder, of good southern food, four-wheelers and birthday presents. I'm grateful he knows the salve to help heal my wounds.

My husband asked me today "How does your head not explode?" and to be honest, I have no idea. So many thoughts and questions run rampant in my feeble little mind. I don't know what He's writing, but I know it isn't about me. My plot twists won't change His character. Thank goodness. Thank Him.

Love & Learning to Sail,
K

September, part 1: Waiting, Rejoicing, and the Inbetween

There are few flips of the calendar pages that make me as happy as moving from August to September. It's the gateway for my hands-down favorite part of the year - crisp breezes, falling leaves, all things pumpkin, chili, fleece, hayrides, Thanksgiving through Christmas. The "-ber" months have it, y'all.

But, this is TX, so we rang in the first week with 100+ temps, of course. In an effort to live the dwindling (hopefully?) days of summer, we spent a good amount of time outdoors, complete with pond swims and barbeques. Labor Day was wonderful, spent sleeping in and having a pancake & waffle feast with family. It also was the first time this year I busted out It's A Wonderful Life. I know, its too early for Christmas, but you can't tell me that movie doesn't give you feel-good vibes, which are seasonally-unbiased, in my opinion.

On the 4th, Jon took that all important test for the newly-opened-door job (see last post). Then we waited and waited. And waited some more. Test results wouldn't be in for 7-10 days, but that didn't stop us from checking scores starting the afternoon of test day.

My sweet little men started fall ball, including t-ball for my nephew. Let me just say, I've never seen anything so dadgum cute in my life. T-ball is my new fav, hands down (after all, I can totally relate to the distracting importance of a nearby butterfly vs actually paying attention to some game).

Back to the test, we waited even more and on Friday, I finally got the call - he passed!! No contract yet signed, but the job was his for all intents and purposes. *breathes huge sigh of relief*. I'd love to say I was so trusting and calm during this wait, but I'd also love to say I'm the queen of England, and neither would be true. I was the picture of an anxious child who chose tantrums over trust. Nevertheless, I hung my head and said thank you, and I'm sorry, and I'll do better next time. He didn't wait long to take me up on that offer, but more on that later...

This call came right on time for me to head out and actually be able to enjoy the weekend with two of my long-time pals.  Friday evening we relived a bit of high school with a sleepover at L's parents house, including watching old videos, laughing at ridiculous pictures and performing dramatic readings of letters we once wrote to one another (my favorite - and boy was I dramatic at 15. Good thing that wore off...ahem). Saturday we busted out of bed bright and early to head to Fredericksburg, with an end destination of Burnett, TX. Saturday, in one summarized list: Driving, window-shopping, Funyuns, local coffee, non-existent marble falls, hiking Enchanted Rock, getting lost on Enchanted Rock, mountain side adventuring, showers, rocking chairs, local wine, live tunes, YouTube videos, unbelievable canopy of stars, sleepy girls. It was a wonderful, wonderful day. We wrapped up the weekend with an early wake-up call to catch the sunrise from our cabin's porch. Followed this up with an impromptu photo session and then the quiet drive back home (with a stop for some delish BBQ). I cherish my time with these ladies, and the cord God has tied between our hearts. I pray I never take that for granted.

I also fell in love with my camera again that weekend. I snapped an embarrassing number of pictures over those two days, and I didn't feel like stopping once I got home. I decided to annoy the heck out of my in-laws by snapping up photos of all of them (puppy included) as we all soaked up the gorgeous weather. I even gave my little SIL a quick lesson on photography (the blind leading the blind). After reviewing the many photos, some turned out good, some not so good, but I'm OK with knowing there's no way to get better unless you just keep clicking.

Its kind of a theme I've got going on right now, a hard one for a perfectionist, type-A to accept.  Sometimes, you'll think its all lined up right, conditions are good, but the shot still ends up crappy. And we move on, knowing that the good and the bad mean the same thing - you're trying.

The 2nd week passed with a little less fanfare and a lot more busyness. We said goodby to some of our dear, sweet friends who were taking a huge leap of faith/adventure/greatness by packing up their stuff and moving to California. So we sent them off with late night pancakes and a packing party. Also, we got three champagne glasses and a wooden cat (left ninja style on our car after we had gone to bed) out of the deal. We'll miss them, but its a good thing to see boldness in the people you love.

So, praying, waiting, laughing, rejoicing, thanking...not a bad way to kick off the first half of the month.

Love & Learning to Obey,
K

Summer Days (cont'd)

August - Highlights (in no particular order)

Started my Real Food Challenge just in time - it was the perfect scapegoat for what will, unfortunately, likely be labelled as the "controversy" of the year, centered around (of all things) a chicken sandwich. Never been so glad to legitimately say "can't eat that". Instead, I put my money towards feeding hungry kids. That is Jesus, regardless of any opinion I may have about Chick Fil A or gay marriage or anything else.

I take it back. Someone must've informed all local eateries of my challenge and they set out to strengthen my resolve by flooding my inbox/mailbox with offers for free food (CRUEL.)

I made it through a meal at Cracker Barrel without a biscuit. This. Is. Huge.

"Guilt is not Jesus' medium. He is battling for global redemption right now; His objective hardly includes huddling in the corner with us, rehashing our shame again. He finished that discussion on the cross. Plus, there's no time for that"...."Guilt may be the first chapter, but it makes for a terrible story. Jesus gave us lots of superior material to work with. If your stuff and spending and waste and stress are causing you tension like mine is, just do the next right thing...We're no good to Him stuck in paralysis." - J. Hatmaker, 7

Husband got a job offer! Not the one we were hoping for, but nonetheless, we took it. God must have something good in mind (like teaching me to stop making my own dang plans)

Began listening to Christmas music. DON'T JUDGE ME!

Single-handedly supported Buon Giorno coffee with my frequent trips. Go local! Go caffeine!

Speaking of caffeine, I started weaning myself off of that stuff. Here's a tip: the people who tell you that herbal "coffee" tastes just like regular coffee...here's hoping they have a fire extinguisher handy cause their pants are on FIRE. Bunch of liars. Still, using their non-coffee product to cut down on coffee, within 2 weeks I made it to almost noon without noticing I hadn't had coffee - no headeache, no grumpiness. Success? Yessir.

Took my nephew for the afternoon. We went to Goodwill (his request, God love him), got him a snowcone (which he didn't really eat), built a monster blanket fort, watched a movie (in the fort) and made the best homemade popcorn ever. Love this child so much it hurts.

Made two desserts, which I could not eat, to celebrate Julia Child's birthday: "People who love to eat are always the best people." - Julia Child 

Watched the Olympics, which provided temporary fuel to my fire as I began training for my 2nd half-marathon. Said fire was promptly squelched by the deathly Texas heat. Training continues, just not with the fervor I would like.

Had another family bluegrass gig. We still don't have a band name. We still have a ton of fun.

In the same weekend, I threw a baby shower for a sweet preggo friend. Exhausting, as all good parties usually are, but went well! It was also a cheat day, and I felt like a led balloon after all my treats.

Wrestled with God and cried some tears over a personal issue. I'm slowly working up the courage to blog about it. In the meantime, I praise Him for a chest big enough to beat on as I wail, arms big enough to hold me when I collapse from exhaustion, and that voice big enough to speak calm into my tired heart.

I watched SO much 30 Rock. I think these people are my best friends (doesn't help that my actual best friend pretty much is Liz Lemon). I talk about them too often. And I sing Werewolf Bar-Mitzvah way too much.

Family vacation, PTL! It was only for 2 1/2 days, and we were in a semi-cramped, and super hot, condo, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Siblings, nephews, parents, husband and I went down to Schlitterbahn. There was much swimming, much laughing, much baby snuggling, and much Thanksgiving for the countless blessings these people usher into my life.

On our drive down to New Braunfels, Husband got a text message that set off a series of phone calls and, long story super short, led to an interview just one day after his previously-accepted job began. He needs to take & pass a new certification within a very short period to seal the deal, but excitement abounded anyway. The preferred school, the preferred district, and a door flung wide open for future opportunities. Like I said above, God must've had something good in mind.

Wrapped our 30 days of real foods with less bang and more quiet celebration, with a strengthened resolve to continue this quest for less crap, more health. Oh, and we may have eaten Joe T's. (What, we aren't perfect!)

Spent our last weekend in August working our tails off (what's new?), with family, baby snuggles, Hunger Games, a great going away party, and weather far too hot for us to be entering into my all-favorite "-ber" months. Good riddance to your weather, August, but thank you for the memories.

Soon to come (as soon as I can find a card reader...): A photo dump post! Stay tuned....

Love & Summer's Sun Setting,
K

Summer Days, Having A Blast (enough to avoid blogging for a month and a half...)

So, Summer. Good Times. Seriously, I love ya. However, my capacity to document your wonders leaves much to be desired. So, in an attempt to salvage the last 4 months of the year, Here's the best summary I can give...
June
Husband applying, applying, applying; interviews, but no jobs
Best Friend, on the other hand: HIRED! Signed on as full-time 9th grade Biology teacher - so proud!
Made my first attempt at a gluten free feast for my dad for Father's Day. Fried Chicken: success! Rolls: yeah....no.
First Father's Day without Husband's dad - tough.
Finished our taxes. Exciting, right?
Played our first bluegrass gig in a quite a few months, and luckily we had a pretty forgiving audience (a good friend's family reunion)
I missed out on Hub's family's camping/river float trip since I had to work at the pie shop. Color me like 23 shades of jealous.
Spent an entire day deep-cleaning the pie shop. Its exactly as much fun as it sounds.
Spent a good amount of time outside, since it wasn't sweltering yet.
Watched Mission Impossible outside in downtown FW, complete with gourmet cupcakes and best friends.
Closed out the month with a big  pool party with our fabulous CLC family!


July
Made some awesome-looking (and tasting) patriotic pies for the Shop.
Spent the 4th working a little and playing a lot. Closed out the day at Burleson's annual fireworks show with my lifemates. Best part: the butterscotch cookies we inhaled. Worst part: good seats apparently also put you right in the falling debris field. Nothing like fireworks in your hair!
"Read" (listened to) The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan. Not all new information, but still eye-opening. Made me want to learn to hunt, actually!
Our pie baby turned 3! We may be a little beat up and bruised, but our friendship and our business is still standing after 3 years, so that's going down as a success in my book!
After our pie shop birthday party, we headed out of town for a little r&r with our business partners/lifemates. We stayed in an RV, which is ideal camping in TX Summer, grilled out, watched movies, played games, ate snowcones, floated the river, got burned, swam some more, and all tried to find excuses for us to stay longer.
Reunited with our Hawaii-TX-Now-NC-bound friends, the Whitakers, who were back on TX soil for a bit before their next adventure
Had a grocery store/cooking double date, on which I ate one of the best burgers I've ever had. So good!
Best friend's turned a year older - we gave her 27th a year a good start with Yoo-Hoo, donuts, flowers and cotton candy
Started a book that would flip my comfy little world upside down: 7, by Jen Hatmaker. More on this later.
Met with a dear, sweet friend of mine, who God has gifted so well as a mentor. Thankful for a meeting of honestly, prayerful advice and shared blessings
Drove out to a cabin in the middle of nowhere to hang out with our favorite Whitakers and the rest of our "second family". We shot some guns, ate good food, and played Nertz until an ungodly morning hour, then attempted to drive home. Short but worth it.(oh, and I ate a salad! And I liked it!)
Spent a rainy Sunday hanging out on the in-laws porch, playing cards, snuggling the baby and loving TX country afternoons
Husband shaved his beard for an important interview. He almost cried. Surprisingly, so did I. (And we didn't get the job)
Took a photography class! Never taken so many photos of an apple in all of my life!
"I am the consumer the poor world and the responsible world and the world itself can't stand or sustain any longer. How will I answer for my choices when God confronts them one day? With this much expendable income funding restaurants, show stores, and movie theaters, I doubt Jesus will accept my excuses for neglecting the poor on account of cash flow." - from 7. OUCH.
Ran a 5k, with water guns. 'Nuff said.
POTTERPALOOZA! 2 days of Harry Potter, 2 days of nonstop eating (including HP themed delicacies!)
After that binge fest, and with much consideration, we embarked on 30 days of Real Food - no sugar, no refined flours or oils, no chemicals or preservatives, etc. Eek!

To be continued...

June 3 - The Day We Got Our First Mini Harvest

In recent weeks and months, Sundays seem to have become synonymous with gardening, or at least admiring my garden. Those quiet morning moments are becoming increasingly cherished. Today in particular as we got our first decent harvest from the garden! One squash, one zucchini and a big handful of green beans! It isn't much, but it was one of my proudest moments. I'm beginning to understand the inherent reward in growing your own sustenance. More, more! :)

After our weekly gathering with our CLC family, we hunkered down at home. Armed with a stack of Harry Potter DVDs, we set to work on our least favorite task: cleaning our room. Somehow, husband and I missed the step where you are supposed to outgrow this hatred after adolescence. The rest of our house usually retains some semblance of order, but our room...well, the clothes overtake us. I hate it, and have worked in the past to defeat it, but it is a task that must be managed daily, and I cannot always summon the discipline to do so. Despite the hours it took, the room looks beautiful and it turned out to be some very quality time.

Lastly, joined our best friends and 48 or so other married couples for an evening of marriage celebration, sponsored by our church (and there was Joe Ts!). It was a beautiful night, but a nagging thought kept at me: the focus on repairing marriages in honorable, and certainly needed. But equally necessary in today's society is some serious spotlighting on pre-marital relationship health. Often times I see couples attempting to mend what they have torn apart, when it is possible that it never should have been stitched in the first place. I'm not advocating divorce AT ALL, but rather highlighting the sheer lack of long-term consideration and introspection that needs to take place before you make that promise. How to remedy this? I don't have that answer. Pray and ponder...

Highlights:
1) I am beyond blessed to be married to my best friend. Some days the weight of this hits me harder than others.
2) We played a scavenger hunt at the Marriage Dinner that required you to go around the room and find people who have done certain things in their life. Though it was meant to be lighthearted, it did two things for me: 1)reinforced my desire to complete my 30 by 30 list, and 2) sparked a moment of accomplishment  and thankfulness- I really have done a lot in my 27 years!
3) I cannot be trusted with Joe T's tacos. That is all.

Love &...well, Love,
K

June 2 - The Day I Started with Farmers and Ended with Tacos

*sidenote* Going to be honest. Feel like giving up! Quite discouraged at my lack of follow-through. Each lag day leads to another. Boo. Alas, we forge ahead.

I don't remember much about this day, except how long it lasted and how badly my feet hurt. I squeezed in a trip to the Farmer's Market to scope out the locally grown goodness. Each week the selection improves, accompanied by my increasing taste for food adventure. I feel sort of like I'm on Iron Chef, buying unfamiliar seasonal veggies only to figure out how to prepare them later (Shout out Pinterest and my cookbook addiction for your combined indelible contributions to these food forays).

We had a very long day at the pie shop, culminating in a catered baby shower that evening. I took the reigns for the party, a task which carries equal amounts of stress and excitement. I may be royally exhausted at the days end, but knowing that I helped coordinate and make food for a successful soiree leaves me with a smile on my face. Not smiling, however, were my two feet. Regrettably, and against my usually prudent judgement, I opted for cute over comfy when it came to my footwear for the day. 13 hours later...ouch.

I ended the day in complete contradiction to its beginning: a plate of greasy fast food tacos. Because sometimes, you just need FasTaco.

Highlights:
1) The random veggie of choice: Pattypan squash. Its cuteness practically screamed "buy me!".

2) Began working out the plans to actually start my 10 Days of Real Food pledge. Oh if I only knew the change to come...

3) My hubs got to escape the long work day by hanging out with our favorite teenagers. Told him he owes me one! Honestly, though, I'm glad for his willingness to do so, and proud of how much they look up to him. :)

Love & Tired Dogs,
K

June 1 - The Day I Grazed

Employee Snack Day, noun: An 8-9 hour event, occurring in ones place of employment, in which participants exchange homemade or store-bought goods, particularly salt and/or sugar-laden, for group consumption. Traditional mealtimes and biological signs of fullness are disregarded as participants eat continually for the duration of the event. Food is assorted, and may be themed, but donuts are always included regardless of their degree of relation to said theme. See also: Grazing; Overweight Americans

That sort of sums up my first Friday in June. Despite my mocking tone, I am total nut for snack days. I even helped choose the theme for this one: Brunch! There were scones (made by yours truly, but more on that later), iced coffee, sausage, casseroles, cake, chicken salad...*burp*

After such a trying day-long experience for my tummy, I treated it to a snow cone. (you know, ice for the swelling...is that not how it works?) And then to coffee (consider it like Icy Hot - cold to dull the pain, heat to relax it away). I'm such a good trainer.

Speaking of coffee, I met two of my longtime loves for coffee at a local place in Fort Worth. For all its charm, I cannot believe that FW doesn't have more local gems like Buon Giorno. Great atmosphere, better good coffee, and even better company (and I met a new friend. Tried to help him name his band by finding words on sugar packets, but he just wouldn't go for). Delightful {decaf} coffee with a side of wonderful friends = the kind of evening where time just gets lost in the laughter.

Highlights:
1) Scones - I made bacon, cheddar & chive scones. I don't even know what to say. Just so stinkin' good! Will try again with turkey bacon so the hubs can share in the goodness.

2) Got lost getting to the coffee shop...this should not be a highlight as it happens so regularly, but on an up note, did a little downtown FW exploring.

3) The last of my snow cone Fridays with best friend. She's done with her teaching now! We have proposed moving on to craft Fridays, for the  benefit of our craft lists and our over-sugared tummies.

Love & Grazing Days,
K

May 31 - The Day I Storm Day-Dreamed

Here's my usual, albeit odd, train of thought when it comes to rainy weather: "Oh, it's raining. Looks dark outside. When it looks dark like this, it seems like it should be cold. Man I wish it was fall. Know what goes good with fall and stormy weather? Harry Potter. I should be at home watching Harry Potter. Mmm Pumpkin Juice. Make that a Pumpkin Latte. WHY DO I NOT LIVE AT HOGWARTS?"
Or something like that. Alas, I was stuck at my desk, watching the deceptively cold-looking dark clouds roll in, leaving my to day dream at my desk, no HP or Pumpkin Spice Latte to soothe my fall longings. I settled for a lunchtime reading break, curled up in a recliner in our company's "Library", which should certainly be renamed "The Room of Nooks and Naps". There are only 4 recliners, and you have to beat out the nappers with their giant afghan blankets and occasional snores, or fight for a spot from the digital readers. I'm afraid I'll never be in that latter crowd; I love the smell and weight of a book in my hands that no fancy digital reader could ever replace.
All in all, a rather uneventful day, but I didn't mind. After all, who needs adventure when you've got Hogwarts day dreams :)

Highlights:
1) I am re-reading one of my favorite books, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. It is just as beautiful and inviting as I remember, and each time I close the cover, I'm left thinking two things: 1) I hope I'm like Elizabeth McKenna when I grow up, and 2) Why the heck am I not on a plane to the Channel Islands?!

2) Went to the store to prepare for snack day. Normally, this would be fine. Except I skipped my snack and went in with a growing tummy. Daft or dangerous, its a toss up really (bonus points if you catch the reference in that last sentence). Either way, I made it out without doing TOO much damage.

3) My house is old, and it has the odd knack for trapping smells for what seems like hours. I don't know if these two are related, but all I'm saying is, if I cook bacon, you could probably come over like 2 days later and know without me telling you. Now, seeing as how the hubs hates bacon, you can imagine his delight when I have to cook pans full for a work day function. How did I end up with the only guy who wouldn't find this appeasing?

Love & Rainy Weather Dreams,
K

May 30 - The Day I Earned My Dessert

I love bootcamp. I love bootcamp. I love bootcamp. This is what I have to tell myself over and over to get myself into the gym and working up a sweat. But, just like running, once it is over, I never regret it! Especially when I know there is delicious Italian food on the horizon.

Now, I'm a distinct proponent of patronizing local businesses vs chains (being a small business owner, this should be a big "DUH"). However, there is one particular chain restaurant that has my heart, in all it's Americanized Italian glory: Carrabba's. I can't help it! The chicken soup does me in every stinkin' time. Recently, we have discovered what feels like a little inside secret (and naturally, I can't share it), and this secret seems to always result in free dessert. So yes, I indulged in dessert. And pasta. And bread. And soup. (Can you feel your arteries clogging yet?) But, I also worked my tail off, which made me dessert that much sweeter.

Highlights:
1) The morning weather was deliciously cool & breezy. Maybe God indulged my autumnal longings with a nod of cooler temps. Whatever it was, I was thankful and simultaneously bitter that bootcamp couldn't be held in the morning instead of the 90+ degree afternoon.

2) The job battle continues. This is where I have to fight the urge to be that crazy overbearing wife, and believe me it is a battle. Its in my nature to want to fix things, to want take control. I'm beginning to think this job search has very little to do with Jon and a whole lot to do with God teaching me another chapter in the ongoing lesson of relinquishing control.

3) We mapped out a few long-term savings goals. Do #s 2 and 3 strike you as ironic? Its ok to say yes, I see it too. I am fighting to let go of the reigns yet making my own plans for the future. But, I really feel like we aren't so much planning as discussing. His will wins in the end, so you might as well find the joy in the surrender, right? I'm working on it, God.

Love & Chain Restaurants,
K

May 29 - The Day We Studied as Friends

One of the things I like about growing up is watching how other people grow right along beside me. Particularly when family starts to become friends, and you learn to like each other not because you're related, but just simply for each other.
My sweet cousin recently graduated college and will soon be accepting a position as a missionary in Prague. In the meantime, she's back home, lingering in that bittersweet in-between of adolescent and grown-up. I invited her to join our small group while she is here, not just as family but as friend. She did, and it was lovely. We talked about what it means to live a radical life, and I know those words weigh more to her now than ever as she faces the future of years in a foreign country, essentially alone. Brave form, and I was proud to study the word beside her, not as obligatory family but appreciative friend.

Highlights:
1) Leftover sangria on the porch during bible study. Hey, somebody had to drink it!

2) The Fall cravings have begun. I now begin longing for all things crisp breeze, pumpkin, comfy sweaters and crunchy leaves. It is going to be a looong summer.

3) More rejection emails for the hubs, hey people, my smart, talented husband wants to instruct your children in all things world history! Please let the man teach!!!

Love & Grown-Up Pleasures,
K

May 28 - The Day We Remembered

Every year my family and I perform the music for a local Memorial Day service. And every year, some part of me knows I'm simply going through the motions with little reverence. Every year except this year.

In August of 2011, my extended family suffered a blow that will forever change how we see Memorial Day, American flags, or the 6:00 news report on the country's war casualties, when my cousin Jesse lost his life fighting in Afghanistan. Now, I don't want to stake a claim to emotions that aren't mine for the sake of a "good story" - to do so would be a mockery of those whose hearts are hurting the most. Jesse wasn't involved in my daily life, we spoke infrequently and were not what you would consider to be "close". But small pebbles make big ripples in the pond, which you notice even from the distant shore. My family hurt, so I hurt. There was still a sting from having to personally know a reality which you had always sanctioned to some other unknown family in the newspaper. And there was the incredible feeling of unfairness about it all. So young, so much still to offer, never coming home to raise the beautiful boy he left behind. So we wept, for our loss of Jesse, for the weight of unfairness that only God could make sense of, for the futures that would remain unwritten or forever changed, our tears a passage into a club no one ever hopes to join - family of the fallen. Those kinds of tears can change you, and so they did with me.

I'm not a perfect citizen, or even the most patriotic American - but watching that blue-eyed little boy hold a picture of his daddy, showing a symbolism he isn't even old enough to understand - I get it. And I know it doesn't make for an honorable story to say that I didn't really understand Memorial Day until it affected me, but it's the unpretty truth. And it's not far off from most of our lives, is it? Oh that we may learn to appreciate the beauty of the pond long before those ripples touch our toes on the shore.

We went on to spend the day with friends, grilling out, and cooking a delicious dinner. The joys of the day don't necessarily represent irreverence - it was with a thankful heart I enjoyed the freedoms I didn't pay for, both physical and spiritual. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Highlights:
1) We enjoyed a pool, or rather, the boys enjoyed trying to torture the girls in the pool. Is it written in our DNA that this starts at age 12 and continues...forever?

2) This may sound cocky, but sometimes I think it is good to be our friends. We whipped up a yummy from-scratch dinner of sauteed green beans, roasted cauliflower,  spinach, linguine & homemade marinara - yum! Oh, and there was pizza. That is due to it being good to be someone else's friend. ;)

3) Made a white sangria (thanks Pinterest) that turned out pretty good! White wine, Fresca, cherries, strawberries and farmer's market peaches. Mostly fruity, not so wine-y, just the way I like it.

Love & Remembrances,

K

May 27 - The Day We Broke Our Record

Sundays are my favorite days, I think. The quiet mornings, the worship gatherings, the taco lunches... :) It was business meeting time again, and what's a meeting without munchies? I've written before about our lack of attentiveness at these meetings. I'm happy to announce that this time, however, we broke records, people. 7+ hours of on-track, white board and long term planning took place and we came away, for once, feeling like we actually accomplished a lot. Success!  We made 3, 6, 9 and 12 month plans, and assigned objectives and tasks for each item. There was a lot of talking, a lot of honesty. When you own a small business, at least a restaurant, you are faced with the opportunity for a roller coaster of emotions. As usual, though, friendship and solidarity prevailed. We wrapped up with a kindling of hope about the future of our business, and a plan for evenings of completely unrelated to business fun. The original plan involved a sleepover at best friend's house, with all four of us. Its one of the fun things we get to do as married adults (though not in the weird, creepy kind of sleepover way, mind you. We keep our swinging on the playground. Ha!). However, at the mention of "Grey's", we girls were on our own and the boys happily went about their way with visions of manly movies and video games dancing in their heads.

A serious junk food session, PJ's, magazines and a few hours later, we are now almost caught up on Grey's. Thank heaven for best friends with DVR and comfy guest beds.

Highlights:
1) We ate our first garden harvest (the previously mentioned squash), and it was delicious. Just one, but I'm excited for more to come.

2) Stayed up later than I have in a veeeery long time - my last count was about 3:00 am!

3) Had birthday cake oreos, snow cones, chips and salsa, popcorn...oh heavens, my body did not know what hit it. I feel a change in the air....

Love & Girls Nights,
K

May 26 - The Day the Force Wasn't With Me

The kitchen and I have a pretty good thing going on, if you haven't guessed. Some days, though...it's like unrequited love. Nothing goes my way! This is bad when you own a restaurant and are working the prep shift. Results: burned pie crust, burned chocolate cream filling, over-whipped whipped cream, etc. I recovered, but it took me twice as long to do my normal amount of cooking/baking. After that, I just needed a nap. Except, as usual, that never came. Instead, I traded it for play time with my cutie niece Ella! This was a good trade. I made lunch for my hubs (and regained the affection of my kitchen), and we chowed down on veggie enchilada bake. After a little office work (accompanied by a lot of The Office), it was time to head to a college grad celebration for my smarty-pants cousin. So proud of her and all she's accomplished! Also, there were tacos!! :) It was a beautiful night with friends, family and a late night viewing of the Addam's family. It was fitting since my friends and family are also a bit kooky. ;)

Highlights:
1) Hubs got a hands-on training session on Infants in Cars 101. I got a call with a screaming Ella in the background and her panicked uncle in my ear. She was NOT having that car seat. No sir. After a successful roadside attempt at soothing her, and a not so successful attempt to get her back in the car peacefully, she cried until she conked out. And guess what? She's just fine. :)

2) Got a beautiful birthday gift from my cousin - an antique window! I love it, and it arrived just in time for redecorating my mantle.

3) Snagged peaches at the Farmer's market! I had delicious plans for these little treats, but more on that later!

Love & Celebrations,
K

May 25 - The Day We Won. Twice!

Remember that time you stayed up late having awesome conversations? And then you slept right through your alarm and woke up 17 minutes before your work meeting? No? Oh dang, that's right, that was me. But, the title of this post is about winning. And, despite the disadvantages my Friday began with, it did, in fact, turn out FTW. Since I ran out the door, I completely forgot my lunch. Enter the work Chinese delivery order: winning! Three day weekend kick-off? W-I-N. Snowcones with my favorite science teacher best friend? Duh. Tonight was also the final set of games in the playoffs for Hub's softball. Double-header and a double-win (which is the real inspiration for the title)! They finished 2nd in the league with a 13 point shut-out (which got called thanks to a run-rule). Not a bad way to end a season, or a week, for that matter.

Highlights:
1) Came home to my house smelling like tacos, thanks to Roommate. As I'm trying to avoid fast food, this is the equivalent of wafting a cigarette under the nose or someone trying to quit. In a moment of unusual willpower, I couldn't bring myself to make that Bell run so I settled for some late night veggie quesadillas. All good, no guilt!

2) I have all of 2 pairs jeans that Really fit. So, with a little birthday money in hand, I set out for a place I rarely dare to brave in my old age: the Mall. Bad news: no jeans for me. Good news: I love clearance racks. Snagged a new pair of work pants (those also do not fit, in a good way), a shirt and a sweater for $23 at the Gap. I'll show you, Mall!

3) Got our first harvest from the garden! A big, beautiful summer squash. I think I actually squealed when I picked it. I think there will be many more to follow very soon and I am beyond excited!

Love & Double-Wins,
K

May 24 - The Day My Husband Yelled

May, the month in which I am missing 20 days of blogging, is both my favorite and least favorite month. Pros: birthdays, swimming weather, grilling out, not deathly hot. Cons: everyone and their mom is throwing a party (myself included, so I can't be too mad), having a program, graduation,recital, playoff, end-of-term whatever. So. Flippin. Busy. Now, I should make a disclaimer that I actually like supporting my family and friends in all these events. I just wish they weren't all smashed into one thirty day period. Husband and I rushed around all day with the hope of meeting up for a semi-calm dinner before jaunting off to the little bro's end-of-year concert. Thanks to my prep work on Wednesday, the meal came together quickly ("meatball melties", made with ground elk, garlic toasted english muffins, pesto jack cheese and the homemade marinara). Husband walked in the door, and we sat down to quickly eat, and about 60 seconds into our meal, the phone rings - he has a softball game. In 20 minutes. In Arlington. Oops! No choir concert for him; he stopped mid-bite to throw on his gear, but not before calmly telling me that he was going to yell and that I shouldn't worry. Then he made his way into our room and yelled at the top of his lungs. He didn't need to explain, I totally got it. I think it helped a little. Sometimes I wish I could do that a few times during the day. Vocal therapy. I do think that this is the first time, though, in our almost 4 years of marriage that I've heard him do so. May, you will not beat us. We may need to take a yell-break at your incessant rush-inducing busyness, but we'll win. In the meantime, plug your ears cause the month's not over and the calendar is only getting fuller.

Highlights:
1) Ground elk - first time cooking that! For the price and the calories, not something I'll likely do again (though it was 100% grass fed and organic).

2) Little brother's choir concert - group of 8-13 year-olds dressed in what I can only describe as Americana clothing (read: overalls and prairie dresses) singing folk songs. Best free entertainment I've had in awhile ;)

3) I must've said something right, because I got the boys in my house to help me clean. I think it was the hint of crazy, and possible cracking, at the clutter in my living room that did it. Note to self: crazy totally works. I'll say it again, roommates are like training ground for parenting. Lord, give me daughters. But I do totally love those boys. Also stayed up way too late talking. But, when you're tracing God's scarlet scribbles in the pages of your story, the time just doesn't seem to matter, in the best kind of way.

Love and May Crazy,
K

May 23 - The Day I Channeled My Inner Julia

Back to daily blogging! Yesterday was a perfect day for this return. And yes, I’m aware that there are 20 DAYS missing here, but they actually are in progress and I WILL get to them!

The work day started with good intentions. Even though I overslept, I packed my workout gear. Or so I thought. I packed all but a sports bra and shoes. Two pretty important things, I’d say. Regardless, I sailed through my day looking forward to my post-work major to-do list. As far as achieving that is concerned, I missed a few things but I had one heck of a time overachieving on others, like cooking. As soon as I walked in, I kicked off my shoes, turned on Julie & Julia and threw myself into a cooking frenzy. There’s something about that movie that just pulls me to my kitchen like moth to a flame. Maybe more like a flambé. Here’s the goods: buttermilk ranch (with garden-fresh dill!), roasted garlic marinara (half for this week, half for the freezer), roasted (then pureed) butternut squash (for ravioli later this week), a mix of poblano peppers, green peppers, cauliflower, onions and sweet potato roasted with garlic and cumin for a Mexican veggie enchilada bake, salsa (semi-homemade, but I’ll take it) for the same dish, roasted cauliflower with lemon juice, parmesan and garlic, roasted zucchini and squash for quick-grab veggies, and my crown jewel (in my opinion), mini frittatas with shredded zucchini, tomatoes, spinach, turkey bacon, caramelized onion baked in small mason jars. I feel uber-prepared for a week (or more) of great, real food! Ironically, after all this, we went out for dinner, but it was for a good cause – celebrating my little brothers laundry list of academic achievements this year! Spanish student  of the year (out of 3 grades!), Bible student, honor roll and he set a school record in track! Brains and braun. ;)

For your eating pleasure, here’s a not-so-perfect recipe for the frittatas (here’s the deal – I don’t measure, and I really just went with what was on hand, ie 5 mason jars since that’s all I had clean! Also, I’m not getting too technical here, so if you  need more info, ask!) You could change up the filling to include whatever you like, this was just my combo of choice:

Grab-N-Go Mason Jar Frittatas

- 3 slices turkey bacon (I recommend Applegate Farms uncured turkey bacon)

- 1/2 med sweet onion, thinly sliced into strips

-1 med zucchini, grated

-1/2 cup of grape tomatoes, quartered

- A very large handful of fresh spinach (washed, patted dry), chopped or sliced into small pieces

- 5 eggs, 5 egg whites

- Milk or heavy cream

- Parmesan or cheese of your choice

-Salt & fresh-cracked pepper

- EVOO

- 5 8oz mason jars with lids (the low, squatty kind, not the tall slender kind)

1. Heat a large non-stick skillet over med-high heat. Cook turkey bacon until crispy (or desired texture), remove from pan and set aside.

2. Return the skillet to the med-high heat and add enough olive oil just to coat the bottom of the pan (1-2 tsp). Add the onions, stirring to coat with oil and spread evenly in pan. Stir occasionally until they’re that beautiful rich brown color (caramelized), but not too often or they won’t brown. You may need to turn the heat down to medium to finish the process. Use your personal preference here – I prefer mine nearly charred. J When finished, remove onions from skillet, place on a plate and set aside

*while onions are doing their thing, shred your zucchini (I used a box grater), chop your tomatoes and chop your now-cooled bacon)*

3. Wipe out the same skillet and return to medium heat. If you’re using a non-stick skillet, you won’t need to add any oil. Toss in your shredded zucchini and tomatoes. Cook just until veggies are tender, 5-10 minutes. (again, your preference), season with salt and pepper.

4. Coat your mason jars with oil (I use olive oil in my Misto). Begin layering your ingredients, distributed evenly amongst all five jars – onions, zucchini and tomatoes, spinach, bacon, salt and pepper, and a sprinkle of cheese.

5. Whisk together eggs and egg whites and add splash or two of milk or cream. Pour evenly amongst all mason jars, making sure other ingredients are submerged.

6. Place all jars in roasting pan deep enough for a water bath – fill pan with warm water to about the half-way mark on the jars.

7. Bake @ 375 until set, 15-20 minutes. A knife will come out clean from the center. Just be careful not to overbake!

When finished, remove jars from water bath and let cool. If you’re in a hurry, place them in a cool (NOT cold) water bath. Pop your lids on and in the fridge they go!

If you give this a shot, let me know how it goes. I’m (obviously) new to this recipe thing.

Highlights:

1) Watching a movie about food AND blogging goals? Fuel to the fire. It really was just what I needed. And I also remembered how much I love cooking - 2+ hours on your feet can fly when you're having fun. 

2) Hubs went to bed fairly early, so I was left (still working in the kitchen) with our housemate and his bud. We had a pretty nice chat about dreams, small business, entrepreneurship and cooking. I've semi-known them for years, but I do enjoy actually getting to know them now. Hope the feeling is mutual.

3) The squash in the garden are getting so big! And lots of little green bean shoots! I'm so happy. Also, we have some actual blue blueberries. I ate one. So tart! Not ready yet, I suppose!

Love & Long nights in the kitchen,

K